
I'm Vanessa.I love ice-cream.I love my friends.I love me.I love milo-ice.I love pineapples. If you don't like vanessa, go away! Please treat me nicely =)
title: I never knew. |
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title: Time can heal; I'm still waiting. 在爱情的战役中,我向来不屑去吃回头草;
我只不过是想要狠狠的出一口鸟气。 这句话挺有意思的,虽然我做不到。 Childrens belive in fairy tales, and it will always come true for them. But as we grow up, why fairy tales just seems to be so...untrue? Childrens belive in fairy tales; why adults don't anymore? Alrighty. I'll have to start studying now or my results are going to get even more worse. POSITIVE is the only thing I can think of now. I have to. JiaYou JiaYou!!! HAPPY. CHEER. JOY. WAHAHAHA. is all I need to think of. |
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title: Am I forgotten? Emo-ness is not to take over my life.
Those sad things are getting out of my life. Oh no. YOU can't stay in my life anymore. Unhappiness is just some small bacteria I just have to get rid of. Scram! Forgive; sounds good.Forget; I'm not sure I could. They said time heals everything. But I'm still waiting. I'm through with no doubt. There's nothing left for me to figure out. I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying. *It's too late to make it right. I probably won't if I could.* |
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title: Nothingness. Since the pain was gone, the hole wasn't filled up.
So now the heart is basically like a semi-permeable hole, only letting in those I trust. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, and it gave me the kind of nothingness inside. Time won't heal anything. Trust me. It just doesn't work for everything. Time heal wounds, but what about the wounds inside? As time passes, would memories fade away just like that? Or what could I do to get all those memories back? Nothing. How do I get rid of all those memories? I don't know. I've forgotten about so many things in my life. But I still remember his. This so effin irritating. I thought I didn't know him much. But as I moved on, it seemed that I just knew him too much.
Blah Blah Blah. Whatever. I am happy. And always will be. *Owh. And see the pictures at the side change each time you refresh.* |
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title: I'll have to go somewhere else. Alone.
I've applied for a student exhange thing . I'll be receiving from them where I'd go within the next two weeks. F.y.i, my parents don't know about this. Just in case I don't get to go. If I get to go, I'll just tell them the day before it. Don't know why, but I just don't feel like telling them about it. The urge of running away is rising in me again. I have the adrenaline rush to do something and put myself in danger. I'd ought to do something dangerous. Escape. And now, It's okay to be alone. Walking home alone isn't that scary anymore. I used to go crazy when there is nobody with me. But now, it's all okay. I used to not stand not getting attention from other people. And now, it's okay. I truly hope this will be a good thing. Maybe, It is. Now, should I hang a board on myself in order to get people coming for Free Hugs? *Huggies?* |
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title: entheos. Yeah Yeah~ I'm back from Port Dickson's Teenz church camp. woohoo.
But then, school is starting tomorrow and I have not done any of my homework. Oh dear. I went with a really-not-very-excited mood, but came back with a heart of flame. It was really really very fun. Haha.. The theme of the church camp was ENTHEOS. In Greek for "in God" and the origin of the word enthusiasm. It's a joy, an excitement to live within God's presence. You wouldn't belive what I've learnt and what I've done. Haha.. The first thing I learnt and the favourite was... Imperfect people does imperfect things. Nobody is perfect. We are human. It's normal for human to make mistakes. Human makes mistakes all the time. Almost like breathing. It's normal for human to breathe. Correct? You don't blame somebody just because they breathe, my dear. And to forgive those that have hurt you. The Pastor shared about forgiveness. He asked a question: "Is it worth it to be sad, angry, upset, just because some other people made a mistake?" Answer: "No!" He asked us to write down anybody's name that we hated on a piece of paper. Everybody was thinking really hard for someone that they hated. I was too. Suddenly, two names appeared on my mind. I won't say who they are here, you may ask me if you want to know. =) And I thought: "I already forgive these two people, and I don't hate them anymore, Everything's fine between us! But why is their names appearing on my mind now?" And, I didn't write their names down, I just kept quiet and followed Pastor James' prayer to forgive these people.He wanted us to follow his prayer. He said:" Dear Lord Jesus, I want to forgive XXX because he had done XXX, and I want to bless him, XXX." And I followed. Everyone was having their eyes shut, and heads bowed. I was too. And i tried to follow the pastor'd prayer, and wondering whether to say these two people's name. I kept thinking that I don't hate them anymore, that I have forgiven them. And suddenly, the pastor said something that shocked me. "I know that among of you, you have to forgive XXX. But you have not written his name down, and You will have to forgive these two people." Seriously, I was shocked. He was talking about me.From infront of the stage. I was behind there. Sitting in the third row, and he knew that I was the one that didn't write the names and kept quiet. Cool right? I was stubborn even after the pastor said that. I still kept quiet and sat at my own place. And then my leader came to me. I told her about it, and she asked me to do everything all over again. Write their names down, and start praying that I want to forgive them, and bless them. As I prayed, a lot of visions that I've been hurt by them came to me and I started crying.I realized...I haven't really forgave them. I still think of the hurts they've done.I was angry at them.I scold them, and I wasn't happy whenever I saw them. And then, God spoke to me, and told me I'd forgive them, and love them as I love myself. Okay, and that was the end of it. I forgave them. There was a feeling of freedom and joy. And this time, I really forgave them. The hurt wasn't there anymore. I wasn't angry with them anymore. It's like you've taken Panadol Actifast and the pain just went away. Even better, the pain poof-ed away. Praise the Lord! I'll update more about the camp when I have time. Hahas. Too long for this post. *I am free.* |
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title: if you come back to me; I'll be all that you need. |
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title: Uh. I'm leavin tomorrow. To Port Dickson. For church camp.
Not excited this time. Don't know why. Buh-Bye. I'll be gone for.. four days. For everyone who needs hugss, I'm here! hahas. I'm giving out FREE HUGS! XD Music of the week: Utada Hikaru- Come back to me. *Just leave her alone.It's wiser for her now.* |
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title: I am not emo. BAHHHHHHH.
I dare you to bang me off the road. HAHA. My tuition teacher asked me whether I would try drugs if I had them. Vanessa answers: "No. It's stupid." But the OS in the mind says: " Yeah. Of course. Gimme a packet!" Its fascinating to see people's head shake after taking a pill. XD Siao eh? Oi. You! Yes, you! You owe me a million bucks! XD I'm sorry Officer if my face looked like that. hahas. & grats to all my cutie juniors who passed their exams! Wahaha. I love all of you! haha I'm crazy. *The flash backs just won't leave me alone.* |
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title: 今天,我哪儿都不想去。
Some would think that this is ignorant. it's stupid. maybe even funny. Why care about something that has past? We should always think of the present and future. It's nothing. It's just because im scared. Stop laughing at me just because I'm pathetic. Alright.End of pathetic-ness. I'll think of a to-do list then. For my dear darlings who are having your Asas exam tomorrow, All the best! Jiayou!Don't let me down yeah. =) And to all AJK's, tomorrow is what we've been striving for the last few days! Gampateh~ Oh ya. Happy birthday SauWui. =) *我将在茫茫人海当中寻访我唯一之灵魂伴侣,得之,我幸;不得,我命。* |
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title: Ahh fuck.
Not happy today. At all. But oh well.I've been unhappy for so long, it doesn't matter to continue a few more weeks. It's been a long day,I'm tired. It has been a long year, a tough time, and i'm tired. I wondered how long this could last.Maybe someday years from now ---- if the pain would just decrease to the point that I could bear it----I would be able to look back on those few short months that would be the best of my life.And, if it was possible that the pain would soften enough for me to do that, I would be sure that I will feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me.Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way. But what if this hole never got any better?If the raw edges never healed?If the damage was irreversible and permanent? This would be treated as if he'd never existed someday.And, I know, this is almost impossible and insane. Ooh. You lucky girl.You have what which I don't and never gettin' it. Seriously, I'm tired. |
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