Don't know what happend to me today.I'm just freakin crazy, and cry after i laugh.
I find myself scary doing that also.Don't know untill when will this go on.I'm not as tough.
I suck in my life.I've never made any good decisions in my life.

I just hope that this time, my decision will be right.
At least someone is happy, isn't it?
That's good enough...i think.

And OH MY GAD. I took such time and braveness to make this decision kays.
Sigh.I chose to give up.I once belived in fairy tale endings, but maybe they just won't happen.

Oh well.

I can only numb myself with work!
Speaking of work..I really hadn't done many of them the pass few weeks.ish.


Please, I beg you, before I get over it, don't rub it in.
Get away from me when you're supposed to even look at her face.Stay away.Please.

And, You'll be happy. =)

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It's Earth Hour today, lights off!

Today was Anugerah Cemerlang..Not bad la..But the dissapointing part is we didn't get the pewter trophy we wanted!GAH. And also, no money. I'm so money-minded sia.

And only today, i found that i can't smile or laugh really from the heart anymore.

I find my smiles are sooo fake.seeesh.
Most of the photos taken today by the teachers, I didn't smile like i use to when taking photos..
I only gave fakey smiles.It sucks.

He's up and running already and I'm still sitting here crying on the floor.
I've had enough.I can't let myself be like this anymore.
I've lost 3kg in the past week.and shit.it's not really healthy.I just don't eat as much.But then,3kg doesn't show any difference.

Oh well.Everythings cool as long as im getting thinner. Don't care .

Really, I've tought it through already, so..it ends here.I think.
Altough im not sure how long it'll take me to forget someone, but as long im trying, it's cool.

It's not all he's fault afterall, It's mine for a quarter of it.
He's not a bad guy, I made him one.
It's okay for him to leave me, I understand.People around me should too.
He has his own life now, and it doesn't relate to me anymore i think.
We'll still work together in a commitee, and it maybe only this year.
And his friends, don't isolate him, he's not as bad as you think.
He's lonely in the inside..maybe.


********************************************************
Who's that person next to you, did she make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can’t get close nor try to talk to you.
I spend long nights by myself, erasing our memories a thousand times

Don’t ever look back and leave me.
Don’t find me again and live on.
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories with you.
I can bear it in some way; I can stand in some way.
You should be happier than me.

If we pass by each other on the street,
Act like you didn’t see me and go the way you were walking to.
If you keep thinking about our past memories, I might go look for you secretly.

Always be happy with her, so I won’t ever change my mind.
Even smallest regret won’t be left out ever.
Show me how well you can live.

You should always be like that bright sky, like the white clouds.
Yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened.

I hope you will live better after you have left me.
Please forget that you ever knew me and move on with your life.
Those tears will dry away as time passes by.

It's something I'll be able to live with.
You have be happier than me. =)

***********************************************

I truly wish you'll see this.

Vanessa grew up today. Teehee.




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Wednesday sucked even worse than Monday and Tuesday did!
Yay me!

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My Tuesday sucked just like Monday did! Whoo! Grats me.

Terrible.Terrible.Terrible.

Okay.I need to do something horrible to other people.Maybe I would feel better that way.
Erm..Can I throw shoes at you? Stand infront of me and my stinky shoe will be on your face.

Seesh.Im too nice to do that.

And OHH SHITT. My pimples are coming out again...seeeesh!!!
Save my face please. Haih. I look and feel terrible. How lucky.

For the past whole week, nothing really good has happend to me.Only bad, really bad,very bad and the worse things happend.This week might as well be the same.


I tought I would live just as well; but im not. its only getting worse.

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What am i supposed to do when the best part of me is always you?

What am i supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?



It's all my fault I'm sorry you did absolutely nothing wrong.
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years.
All the pain I've caused you, The constant flow of all the tears,
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologise enough ,
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love .
And if it's not too late ..
Could you please find it deep within your heart, to try and go back to the start?

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Perhaps, Sorries come too late when someone has made up his mind to give up on you.


I feel pretty darn whole dumb.
I repeatedly did something i know is stupid.


GAHHHHH.

I really just want to walk away full of pride;with my bruises all over.


Just so you know,
You've just hurt a girl really badly.She can't erase everything from her mind at once.She don't forget everything that means to her easily.She's suffering a great deal of pain right here.
She's waiting for you to tell her it's over, so she could get her life back.She's hoping that its not over, but it seems to be.She had dissapoint you, but have you ever tought of her dissapointment?She's so sorry but she loves you.So,if you don't love her, tell her, and let her be her again.


And to her friends, WeiQing, Suresh, WeiWei, PueiLing, YinKuan,Jo And Roderick(Altough I don't know you well. =p). Thanks loads ^^ I love you all <3>Okays..Here's something that really cheered me up today...Altough im still kinda not me right now.It's Lily Allen's Fuck You.She made the Eff word sounded like something nice like thank you.Hahas..I just love this song. hahas.

Enjoy ^^

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It's not fair
And I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
You're supposed to care

It's not fair
And It's really not okay
It's really not okay
It's really not okay
You're supposed to care
But all you do is take
All you do is take

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Seesh.I hate myself for doing things that weren't supposed to do and hurt myself in the end.
I know what would probably happen, and know it would hurt myself.

I STILL DO IT.

Eff.I hate this.It's like I've learnt my lesson, but then again, i do it again.
GAHHHHH.

I know it's gonna hurt.I know what would happen.I know everything.
Yet, i choose to close my eyes, my ears, and bring myself to a deep deep hole and jump into it.
And after i climb out of the hole, I tend to jump into it again.I really don't know how many times this happened.I ended up with bruises and scars.

No matter what I do, Im still empty in the inside.
I tell people im fine.But really, im not.
Behind every smile, there's just that something there.
This is pathetic; I know.
I don't have to do this; I know.
I can just walk away full of pride; I know.
But i can't do it.

You'll probably be thinking: This girl damn useless sia.
Yeah.She is.Probably the most pathetic girl you could ever meet.
She even wakes up and cry in the middle of the night.
She does stupid things and are not apreaciated .And in the end, she got herself hurt.

Forget it.As if like what i do now would help.
If anything does, tell me.

I remember those good memories.
The bad ones; i just let them go.

Will you stay?

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Well ... Grats to WeiWei for getting her internet connection back...WOOTS!

Holidays are sooo boring... T.T
Loads of homework ...Didn't even touch a wee bit of the homeworks.
Sigh. And the dammy herberium thingy. Make sure those people gimme something nice after i finish the thing hor. Grrr.

I shall start doing my homeworks.... TOMORROW!
*If im not lazy enough to stick with the plans. XD

My Wii is still dead.. =(
I love you my Wii~ revive please?
I want to beat up rabbits!!!

I have nothing better to do other than homeworks.GAHH.
And anywayy...WeiQing's coming backk ffrom Penang tonight!
Woots.Finally got someone to teman me go somewhere.hahas.


I try to be so cool whole day but im so hyper in the inside!
Altough i don't have anything to be hyper about. = =
Ah, whatever. Being hyper don't have anything bad about it right? XD

WOOSH.WEEESH.WAAASH.

Truly, i have no idea what im doing right now.
It's insane.Only people who suffers from insanity like me would understand. XD


INSANITY.


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Girl, breathe in deep and say goodbye.

You're good as gone.

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Friday the Thirteen.Again.Yesterday..
==
Nothing really bad happened to me..Lucky..
Thanks to Mr.Tan. lols. =)

But then..today really sucked...I should have a record book to record all of my effy n damn suey days.YiYong persuaded me to go for the kursus last night..GAHH.Shouldn't have listened to her.
That bitch was there and made my day suck soo much.ish.
Feeling so down now..haih..
I cried until my eyes popped out. well,not really..but its really sore already...ish.
Someday im gonna make that bitch cry like she never cried before.

Haih.



Seeing you walking out of my life.

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Finally...exams over...
I sucked in my exams...and apparently my mind was not on the exam.
I'll probably fail in a few of them...

GAH..WHATEVER.


IT HAS BEEN DONE.Forget it.


Some happy thing for the day: I've got a new haircut..which i like! So impossible.XD
I had this haircut because i was merely just feeling very down.
Just to go crazy for an instance.And now it's short already.
The auntie felt pity for my once long hair.She still didn't want to cut it mushroom for me.hahas.



And for the pass week...Technically,I've gone crazy.
Being ignored is bad enough already...Exam summore..So tired..
Can't sleep well at night too.I wake up in the middle of the night n cry.WHOO~
Bad bad dream.Maybe im just thinking too much during the day.But it's like...I can't not think about it lor.This sucks.Shaking my head doesn't seem to work leh.It just won't go away!

GAAHHH!

Weiqing is not here...ish.
No one here to help me rant leh.

I attempted to throw shoes,slap,and kick a girl last week.
Luckily there was people there...Or not I'll go drive a car and bang her off the road.
And damn.There's always people whenever i attempt to throw things at her.
Don't look at me la!!I just want to throw my shoes on her face!!!Once is good enough. Maybe*
That kind of stupid face.Always act so innocent.damn lor.Bitch is bitch.Act so innocent for what?

装清纯。==

People ask me why i dislike her so much.Easy. SHE'S A BITCH.
I just learnt how to call bitch in korean.lols. Oh well.
Super angry de lor.
Got one more stupid guy scold me for calling her a bitch.

Stupid guys go all GAGA over her innocent face. Want a slap from me or not?
I won't go easy on the face.
Whoever that thinks that bitch is a nice girl, You shall get a slap from me.
Or even worse.I might break your bones.
So, for safety measures, please don't tell me how good is she infront of me.
You might just end up in the hospital.

*Except for Suresh.I can only attack him by using pepsi bottles. XD

That bitch made me flunk my exam.Stupid!!!
That guy who was always beside her made me dislike her even more.
Where is Chris Brown when you need him?Come help beat the bitch!

Hope im not too harsh on you. But I do dislike you very much. =)
Do forgive me. Im just taking back what belongs to me.
F.Y.I. : It's NOT YOURS.
So scram!Go away!

I just can't finish this post without weiqing.I can't think of any more bad things about the girl.
I'll vomit blood if i continue on myself.argh.
WeIQing faster come on9!! I need you la...T.T


Really feeling very down.ish.

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WAHAHAHAHA~

EXAM FINISH EDY~

*HIGH*

Now to jap class~
will update later at night.i think.
Got loads to blog about.
Loads of rantings. XD

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