Loves.Van.

4 Science 1 Rocked.. 5 Science1 continues the history.

2010-01-23T13:27:00.003+08:00

Woosh.
It was so long ago since i last updated my blog. Hee.
Main reason was I am lazy.

After watching Khai Xiang's Flashback video for 4 science1, It rocked, with a lot of lovely memories inside. It was what we all had for the year 2009. We rock. And we're going to continue that, aren't we ,eh? Since we made history in 2008, 2 years later, Now, 2010,
WE ARE GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER HISTORY!
Maybe not 49 straight A's la...But still flying colours ya!

We don't only study kays.
Studying is important but having fun is even more important.
Those who agree please say :"yeah!".
Don't hate our class anymore la. We are cute also ya.
Love our class and Have fun.

To all 5SCIENCE 1 STUDENTS:
Think of 5 mottos for OUR class. Haha.
For eg. Study like siao before exam, Play even more siao after exam.
Ahh. Everybody work hard and play hard!!

Um. Then hor, Is a Facebook group or a Blogger account better for our class, or both?
It's actually to record everything that happened in our class, um like a memory.
Update homeworks for everyone, etc.
So how you think about that yea?
Leave a tag in the cbox or post a cooment on my facebook wall.

I love you guys.
Toodles.

My Motto?

2009-11-12T22:53:00.007+08:00

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down.

*Haven't met you yet.

It's over.

2009-11-11T17:36:00.003+08:00

Oh yea baby``Freakin Exam is over!! wahahahahaha.

Although I still have PJK n PSK tommorow.

Who cares. Those don't count. =)

Just that I thought that I can enjoy my holidays,

SOMEBODY.

Came in the class and said: " Your SPM is coming very soon.You shall NOT enjoy your holidays this two months.We are starting your Form 5 syllabus next week."

MISS.MISSES.WHATEVER YOU ARE.

Define "Soon". Thank you.

Not going to let some bloody somebody ruin my holiday mood. =)

Oh well. Outing on this SATURDAY!

For those who wants to come along, you are welcomed. ^^

We're catching 2012!

And now I'm pretty excited that I'll be going on a mission trip on 3rd Dec to Thailand~
Sounds very far away but I'm very excited, still. Haha.
I know I've talked many times about it but then I'm still excited. LOL
Bear with it my friends. Just for this month.
But Not till I come back and tell you people my stories. *Muahahaha*

Oh well. Overall, today is the 1st day that I can start to waste time.
I'm lovin' it.

2009-10-07T13:18:00.002+08:00

dfdhdgfjsdhgfjhfgshjfghjfgshfgsjhfgsjfgsjgfjhfghjsgf

Now that my tear's dried, You could see my brown eyes,
ever since you said Goodbye. =)

asdfghjklpoiuytrewq
poiuytrew

要加油！

2009-09-15T21:39:00.002+08:00

请问, 你最近好吗？

我们都好，好吗？=）

Optimism

2009-09-12T12:09:00.003+08:00

I thought that I would cry. But it ain't like that anymore. Those tears are simply gone.
Wooh.

Ish. I have to change. Supressing it doesn't work. I'll have to reformat my brain or somehow.
There are 2 spaces in our brain, one is the "short term memory" and the other" the long term memory". Can anybody tell me, How to remove stuffs that are in the "Long term memory"?
It's effin hard. Once you thought that you have get pass through it, But you're not. Gosh.

Or would it be easier if someone had placed that bullet in my brain?

I still repeat everything I do everyday. When is it going to stop? Ish.
This is like an evil cycle that keeps on going..argh.

STOP. STOP. STOP!!!

Sept?

2009-09-06T14:15:00.003+08:00

It's September already.

九月了。

It's really fast eh.
Can't I just believe that our Earth turns slowly?

Lols.My posts are just getting shorter and shorter everytime.
Just now some facebook quiz result showed that I would die on September 12 of 2059
at 8:36 pm, and the cause of death would be Cut in half by elevator ,
and I would be 65 years old when i die. So young! lol. And super tragic man.
Oh well. It is just a game.

God said, “Vanessa, be a strong girl."

Whee.

2009-08-25T20:58:00.002+08:00

Back from Penang. Can't upload pictures cus of lousy comp. Ish.

Handle with care.

-Everything breaks. Some things just hurt more than others.-

Too bad it's not the tau sar peah that was hurt.

2009-08-15T17:51:00.001+08:00

Are Friends important?

Sadly, Yes. XD

I might have just died 4 months ago without them.

AHhahahaha?

2009-07-31T16:15:00.003+08:00

Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick.

I don't even know why I get sick so easily.

Even the doctor thinks I'm weird.

Fall sick for so long...Will I die?

BooHoo. =(

No Rain ; No Rainbow.

2009-07-25T22:14:00.004+08:00

有時候人要走到終點才能看見新的起點。就像美麗的風景往往都是在最高的那一座山巔上，你必須爬到山巔才會看見，原來還有更高的山。當你從山下設定了一個要爬到山頂上的目標，然後啟程慢慢地往上爬，在你尚未到達山頂之前，你不會知道還有另一座山在等你征服它。

未來也是一樣的。

Forever . (is) . Over.

2009-07-19T19:05:00.004+08:00

I was awake for 24hrs yesterday. Wooh.

How fun was it not sleeping. Zz.

6am to 6am.

Happy birthday Yy, a.k.a. Bubbles.

I'm gonna sleep like mad.

*他她*

Love drunked.

2009-07-17T23:19:00.010+08:00

I used to be Love Drunk.

But now I'm hungover.
I'll love you forever,
Forever is over.

Just how many people'sssssss. Have to ruin my day?

Uh. Totally not in the mood.

I was finally getting out of that kind of blur-greyness

and you have to stir up my life.

I have 4 karangan's to finish. I feel like dying.

Stop outcasting me. This is terrible.

You drive me crazy. I'm tired.

Give me two sleeping pills and let me sleep like mad.

After all the bullshit you put me through, I'll forgive you.

Don't call me for Hello to Goodbye.

Please.

*原谅我是这样的女生。*

Some. Mad . Hope.

2009-07-12T14:12:00.005+08:00

不成熟的爱是：因为我需要你，所以我爱你。
成熟的爱是：因为我爱你，所以我需要你。

成熟的爱往往很难遇见，就算遇见了，你也不会知道你多需要对方。

Crap crap crap.

I'm sick. I have flu. WTH.

Am I gonna die by next week?

Even I don't die by next week, will I die on July 22nd?

I was told that there would be a tsunami on that day and it will affect Malaysia ,too.

So, maybe I'll go Desaru on that day. Yeah. Wooh.

Exam's coming. ARGH.

Gotta buck up and study study study.

I do not want to fall behind again. T.T

OH wait. I'm like Shakespeare? My entries are too deep?

You don't understand what I write?

Lol. Well, that's pretty normal. Nobody ever understands what I write.Haha.

That proves that you are normal. ^^

I hope both of my darlings are living fine.

Owh. They are just fine. Just living better off without me.

I kinda miss hating you two. LOL.

I'm insane. Well, cheers! =)

Being friends again. Err..near impossible.

Do not tear up my scar again. Thank you.

“ 你好吗？”

2009-07-06T15:26:00.002+08:00

But to let it go; live your life and leave it.

No. I ain't going back.

hokey pokey.

That smile of mine simply just disappeared.

I never knew.

2009-06-30T20:16:00.003+08:00

Everyone's running from something.
But we don't know when it's coming,
So we just keep running and running and running and running.

It's been a long time.
That Hello was rusty.
Never thought that it was so hard to say Hello.

Oh well. A change is always good.

Time can heal; I'm still waiting.

2009-06-28T18:48:00.003+08:00

在爱情的战役中，我向来不屑去吃回头草；
我只不过是想要狠狠的出一口鸟气。

这句话挺有意思的，虽然我做不到。

Childrens belive in fairy tales, and it will always come true for them.
But as we grow up, why fairy tales just seems to be so...untrue?
Childrens belive in fairy tales; why adults don't anymore?

Alrighty. I'll have to start studying now or my results are going to get even more worse.
POSITIVE is the only thing I can think of now. I have to.
JiaYou JiaYou!!!

HAPPY. CHEER. JOY. WAHAHAHA.
is all I need to think of.

Am I forgotten?

2009-06-27T15:41:00.003+08:00

Emo-ness is not to take over my life.

Those sad things are getting out of my life.
Oh no. YOU can't stay in my life anymore.
Unhappiness is just some small bacteria I just have to get rid of.

Scram!

Forgive; sounds good.Forget; I'm not sure I could.
They said time heals everything. But I'm still waiting.
I'm through with no doubt. There's nothing left for me to figure out.
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.

*It's too late to make it right. I probably won't if I could.*

Nothingness.

2009-06-26T15:35:00.003+08:00

Since the pain was gone, the hole wasn't filled up.
So now the heart is basically like a semi-permeable hole, only letting in those I trust.

I couldn't feel the pain anymore, and it gave me the kind of nothingness inside.
Time won't heal anything. Trust me. It just doesn't work for everything.
Time heal wounds, but what about the wounds inside?
As time passes, would memories fade away just like that?
Or what could I do to get all those memories back? Nothing.
How do I get rid of all those memories? I don't know.

I've forgotten about so many things in my life. But I still remember his.
This so effin irritating.

I thought I didn't know him much. But as I moved on, it seemed that I just knew him too much.

Blah Blah Blah. Whatever. I am happy. And always will be.

*Owh. And see the pictures at the side change each time you refresh.*

2009-06-19T21:52:00.002+08:00

I'll have to go somewhere else. Alone.

I've applied for a student exhange thing . I'll be receiving from them where I'd go within the next two weeks. F.y.i, my parents don't know about this. Just in case I don't get to go. If I get to go, I'll just tell them the day before it. Don't know why, but I just don't feel like telling them about it.
The urge of running away is rising in me again.

I have the adrenaline rush to do something and put myself in danger.

I'd ought to do something dangerous. Escape.

And now, It's okay to be alone.
Walking home alone isn't that scary anymore.
I used to go crazy when there is nobody with me. But now, it's all okay.
I used to not stand not getting attention from other people. And now, it's okay.

I truly hope this will be a good thing. Maybe, It is.

Now, should I hang a board on myself in order to get people coming for Free Hugs?

*Huggies?*

2009-06-18T15:28:00.002+08:00

You know what, I seriously think I do not have a life.

I take pictures of lizards on the walls. I draw them too. = =

And nobody wants my FREE HUGS.
Sobs.

Anyway, I love you.
Whoever you are. XD

entheos.

2009-06-14T15:18:00.002+08:00

Yeah Yeah~ I'm back from Port Dickson's Teenz church camp. woohoo.
But then, school is starting tomorrow and I have not done any of my homework. Oh dear.

I went with a really-not-very-excited mood, but came back with a heart of flame.
It was really really very fun. Haha..

The theme of the church camp was ENTHEOS.
In Greek for "in God" and the origin of the word enthusiasm.
It's a joy, an excitement to live within God's presence.

You wouldn't belive what I've learnt and what I've done.
Haha.. The first thing I learnt and the favourite was...

Imperfect people does imperfect things.

Nobody is perfect.
We are human. It's normal for human to make mistakes. Human makes mistakes all the time. Almost like breathing. It's normal for human to breathe. Correct?
You don't blame somebody just because they breathe, my dear.

And to forgive those that have hurt you.

The Pastor shared about forgiveness.
He asked a question: "Is it worth it to be sad, angry, upset, just because some other people made a mistake?"

Answer: "No!"

He asked us to write down anybody's name that we hated on a piece of paper.
Everybody was thinking really hard for someone that they hated. I was too.
Suddenly, two names appeared on my mind. I won't say who they are here, you may ask me if you want to know. =)

And I thought: "I already forgive these two people, and I don't hate them anymore, Everything's fine between us! But why is their names appearing on my mind now?"
And, I didn't write their names down, I just kept quiet and followed Pastor James' prayer to forgive these people.He wanted us to follow his prayer.

He said:" Dear Lord Jesus, I want to forgive XXX because he had done XXX, and I want to bless him, XXX."

And I followed.

Everyone was having their eyes shut, and heads bowed. I was too. And i tried to follow the pastor'd prayer, and wondering whether to say these two people's name. I kept thinking that I don't hate them anymore, that I have forgiven them.
And suddenly, the pastor said something that shocked me.

"I know that among of you, you have to forgive XXX. But you have not written his name down, and You will have to forgive these two people."

Seriously, I was shocked. He was talking about me.From infront of the stage. I was behind there. Sitting in the third row, and he knew that I was the one that didn't write the names and kept quiet. Cool right?

I was stubborn even after the pastor said that. I still kept quiet and sat at my own place.
And then my leader came to me. I told her about it, and she asked me to do everything all over again. Write their names down, and start praying that I want to forgive them, and bless them.
As I prayed, a lot of visions that I've been hurt by them came to me and I started crying.I
realized...I haven't really forgave them. I still think of the hurts they've done.I was angry at them.I scold them, and I wasn't happy whenever I saw them.

And then, God spoke to me, and told me I'd forgive them, and love them as I love myself.

Okay, and that was the end of it. I forgave them. There was a feeling of freedom and joy.
And this time, I really forgave them. The hurt wasn't there anymore. I wasn't angry with them anymore. It's like you've taken Panadol Actifast and the pain just went away. Even better, the pain poof-ed away. Praise the Lord!

I'll update more about the camp when I have time. Hahas. Too long for this post.

*I am free.*

if you come back to me; I'll be all that you need.

2009-06-09T17:12:00.003+08:00

I could have be in love by now, if it wasn't for you, TONY.

Tony don't care no more.
But I really miss Tony.

???

2009-06-09T12:45:00.003+08:00

Uh. I'm leavin tomorrow. To Port Dickson. For church camp.
Not excited this time. Don't know why.

Buh-Bye.
I'll be gone for.. four days.

For everyone who needs hugss, I'm here! hahas.
I'm giving out FREE HUGS! XD

Music of the week:
Utada Hikaru- Come back to me.

*Just leave her alone.It's wiser for her now.*

2009-06-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

I am not emo. BAHHHHHHH.

I dare you to bang me off the road. HAHA.

My tuition teacher asked me whether I would try drugs if I had them.

Vanessa answers: "No. It's stupid."
But the OS in the mind says: " Yeah. Of course. Gimme a packet!"

Its fascinating to see people's head shake after taking a pill. XD

Siao eh?

Oi. You! Yes, you!
You owe me a million bucks! XD
I'm sorry Officer if my face looked like that. hahas.

& grats to all my cutie juniors who passed their exams!
Wahaha. I love all of you! haha

I'm crazy.

*The flash backs just won't leave me alone.*

2009-06-06T16:26:00.003+08:00

今天，我哪儿都不想去。

Some would think that this is ignorant. it's stupid. maybe even funny.
Why care about something that has past? We should always think of the present and future.
It's nothing. It's just because im scared.

Stop laughing at me just because I'm pathetic.

Alright.End of pathetic-ness.
I'll think of a to-do list then.

For my dear darlings who are having your Asas exam tomorrow,
All the best! Jiayou！Don't let me down yeah. =)

And to all AJK's, tomorrow is what we've been striving for the last few days!
Gampateh~

Oh ya. Happy birthday SauWui. =)

*我将在茫茫人海当中寻访我唯一之灵魂伴侣，得之，我幸；不得，我命。*

2009-06-02T19:21:00.006+08:00

Ahh fuck.
Not happy today. At all.

But oh well.I've been unhappy for so long, it doesn't matter to continue a few more weeks.

It's been a long day,I'm tired.
It has been a long year, a tough time, and i'm tired.

I wondered how long this could last.Maybe someday years from now ---- if the pain would just decrease to the point that I could bear it----I would be able to look back on those few short months that would be the best of my life.And, if it was possible that the pain would soften enough for me to do that, I would be sure that I will feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me.Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way.

But what if this hole never got any better?If the raw edges never healed?If the damage was irreversible and permanent?

This would be treated as if he'd never existed someday.And, I know, this is almost impossible and insane.

Ooh. You lucky girl.You have what which I don't and never gettin' it.

Seriously, I'm tired.

2009-05-30T18:15:00.001+08:00

I am almost, finally, out of words.

Shhh. Don't tell others that I'm pathetic.

抱歉，我没那么伟大

2009-05-29T15:26:00.004+08:00

Point at a female dog and say: "You are a bitch."

Hey, nothing wrong with it ah. Perasan-ers.

Totally out of the mood today. Was very happy.
But killed by some of those lousy results I've got.
See, I've not been studying. Because I've had a part time job to be emo all the time.

Like Wei Wei said,I tokok tambah a bit: Add-Maths Kills me.Physics drown me.BM chop me into pieces.English cook me in curry. BC pushes me down the cilff.Biology Buries me.Chemistry decomposes me.The other subjects laugh at me.

******************************************************************
Boy, you do not know what I've been through since you left me standing here.
You don't know anything about me. BACK OFF.
You don't have the right to say anything about me anymore. Not a single thing.

Bring you and your girl and Get Out Of My Face .

I've written the words with your favourite colour. LOOK AT IT.

And please get out of my life. I beg you.

先生，请你也不要过分，在你发火之前请先想一下，是你先放弃了我。我并没有放弃过你。
我说的，我写的，要是冒犯了你，那么，对不起。

*& This is where affinity ends.*

*没缘了吧。*

I forgive. Forget? We'll see.

2009-05-28T12:30:00.004+08:00

Whee. Skipped school today. Finally a day I can sleep off all my black eye patches. Guh.

Sleeping is just some really fun activity for me now. For continously not sleeping well for at least a month. It's crazy. I know. I'm sorry Khai Xiang, I do need a major sleep.

WeiWei told me to forgive and forget yesterday. F&F.

Well, I told her I could only forgive, but not really forget.

And she said: " 你不需要记住恋爱中的每一个细节，一件事就够了。偶尔想起并不是什么坏事。至少，你没有做过会让你愧疚的事。不要像我，我可恶过。"

Meaning, "You don't have to remember every little part of everything in a relationship after it has ended. Remembering one is enough. Thinking of it occasionally isn't a really bad thing to do, at least, you have not done things that would make you feel guilty. Don't be like me, I have done bad.”

But Weiwei, for all of the bad things I claimed that I would do to hurt both of them, I didn't.

I'm way too nice to do all those stuff. Although I really have the kind of adrenaline rush to throw my shoes at both of them.I still didn't do it in the end.I really do think that I am really nice towards both of them.I even helped that little girl take out her bag from the prefect's room that day.I could have just lock her stuff there and say I don't have the keys anymore. Shit.

Imagine to see them everyday. Walking together happily and I'm one side trying to cover it all up.I talk loud, laugh loud and put on the smile as wide as it could be. But then again, it's better to have two persons happy then one, right?

Anyway, it has been almost half a year since i last ate sotong and prawns, drink soya bean, went to chungky and order a cup of ice blended, baked a cake and bring to school , or even look at my plush toys. Duh.

And and, I cut off my hair.
It used to be long. Very long. I cut my hair off, basically because it reminds me of him.
But now i realize i look better like this, that doesn't bother me anymore. Lol.
And my favourite darling, don't even bloody try to imitate what i did. It's very low down.
You would never look good to try and cut your hair short like "venessa " did. And shit.
You freakin spelled my name wrong.

It's okay. You are probably not smart enough to spell my name correctly. I forgive you.
And please, don't ever forget we were the ones who gave you the chance.

Hey, look! I forgave her. That's so bloody nice of me you know. *Applause*

No worries, I'll get over it.And this time, for real. Bump through the barriers!

Actually, I'm just sayin' all these cause i'm in a good mood today.
I might just start to dwell on the past whenever i see them together.
And start to be all emotional again. OH THIS IS LAME.

AHH. I have nothing more to say for now.

Toodles.

*你知道有些人不管多么如常，像空气一样在你的四周，
你以为每天早晨睁开眼睛就能看见。

可是，当他走了，
比一场春雪化得还干净，一丝痕迹不留，
你就真的....除了在梦里，

再也见不到了。*

2009-05-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

Finally, the freakin exam ended. woots.

I am totally gonna suck this exam cause:

I wasn't really studyin at the moment.
When I'm studyin, i think of other stuff.
Totally no concentration on studying.
I do other stuff when studying.

Screwed it anyway.

Oh well. I've lost my insparation today.
Had a lot to blog about yesterday. And Last week.
But now i just don't remember all those. Gah.

Will update tmr.I think.

=)

Lols. The 1st smiling face on my blog since a long time ago.

2009-05-22T15:43:00.003+08:00

Fucked up exam.

Probably failing 3 subjects at least.

I said: if i score A1 in my Add-Maths, I'll treat you people rice .Literally, 吃饭.

I have nothin more to say.

Just not in the mood.

Next week: Bio, Sej, EST, MM, Bc.

All the best! To me and myself. And my friends of course.

*And you were never just my friend.*

2009-05-16T14:59:00.002+08:00

爱情是 happend, 感情是build.

Ugh. Exam started already.
I am dead meat. You will see me on your dinner table.

I did crazy stuff this week.
I cut my hair off.
Yes. My once very precious hair.
Don't know why i did that, but I've always wanted to do that.
And now I've done it. It feels like... So what?
It doesn't change anything at all.
I am still me.

Oh well.My hair is going to stay how it looks now.

And both my darlings who had ruined my life, get out of my face.
Before I decide to kill both of you.

To everyone who is havin their exams,
Jiayou beh.

Cause you had a good girl,
but didnt know how to treat her,
So silly boy get out my face
Why do you like the way regrets taste?
So silly boy get out my hair my hair
No, I don’t want you no more. Get outta here.
And now everything I want from you is to stay away.

Obviously, they are lyrics.

2009-05-15T16:26:00.004+08:00

“ 我不停的追逐那欧趴的幸福就像是蒙上眼睛去撞树，

我看书看到出汗考试却拿零分鸭蛋我实在是完蛋。”

**欧趴： all pass.

It's okay if you don't understand what I wrote.It really doesn't matter. I'm just too bored.
And very emo. LOL

*** Updated.

I am going to do OH-SO-BAD in my mid-term exam.

random.

2009-05-09T19:47:00.003+08:00

Oh Peter, I love you.

And in anyway, could you please love me back?

*Hey Peter.Whoever you are. XD *

I am hopeless, ain't I?

2009-05-08T22:28:00.002+08:00

我现在，跟一条死鱼没什么分别，就是。。。我不是一条鱼罢了。

这么晚了，我不睡觉，在这里干嘛？
其实，我也不知道。

现在，我脑子里什么都没有，试着敲一下，应该会有回声吧。
我说话，怎么那么多逗号？这是习惯。

一些事情，只要习惯了，你一生都改不了。
不过，这些事情，只要下定决心，应该都是可以改掉的吧。

那蓝色的人又回来了。你好吗？

嗯。生命少了重点。
我只要找回重点，不就好了吗？
就像摘录要点的练习一样，把重点全都划线，就是了，对吗？
那。。。请问我还要画多久？
这样画下去，都乱成一团了啦。

对，真的，给出去的灵魂，就要不回来了。

每天晚上骗自己睡觉，像个笨蛋一样。

这么晚了，我还在这里打无聊的东西，实在是浪费时间。

broken smiles.

2009-05-07T15:53:00.002+08:00

Seriously, im getting crazy.
insane.

I wanna cry.

Lend me your shoulder. Anyone?

My life is ruined,
and the only cure, is no where to be found.

For those who ruined my life.
*Get out of my sight before i decide to kill all of you. Especially you two, my darlings.*

2009-05-03T18:19:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was Cynthia's Birthday..whoo. We all get to go to T.G.I Fridays. Muahaha~

And by the way... Johann. This is T.G.I. Fridays.

www.fridays.com.my

All the food there are oh-so -yummy. I still love fried mac n cheese. Oh gosh.

And obviously, I am still wasting my time blogging over here.
I 'm dead meat. seesh.

Oh well. I should really disappear for the whole month of exams edy.
So now... For real, I am going to disappear for the month!

And anyway, I think Im feeling better already. May won't suck so bad. =)
Goodness am I optimist.

Bye everyone~
I know you'll miss me. Once again. =)

×我在爱情里累积的寂寞也已经足够我难过很久了.×

I run.I ran.I'm running

2009-05-01T21:35:00.005+08:00

AHHHHH.

Super Frustrated.

My results are going to suck so bad this time.

It's mid-year.Oh dear.

And I am still here, blogging.

My sister freaking got a bloody new handphone as her birthday present and I have none.

WTF.

She calls it her shake shake phone.Sigh.

Life isn't treating me better.GAHHH.

Oh this is so sad. =(

sob.

*And I love you a little less, then before.*

失去的灵魂；就再也要不回来了。

2009-04-30T21:00:00.007+08:00

Oh Gee.
My life sucks. to the max.

My Horoscope for May:

Many demands, less income, and losing control in all areas as seen for the 1st 20days. Delays, oppositions, and sudden bad news comes to inflict emotional stress and a further lack of confidence.

It's not even May yet, and it's happening already. How worse can my life get?
And...How can his life be like so perfect by May and mine sucks like hell?

NO FAIR.

Emotional stress. GAH. I'm stressed up enough already!!!
I now lead a life which is kinda being lost in the maze alone.
Like anyone ... COME SAVE ME!

Lend me your shoulder or whatever.Make me cry and laugh like crazy.Bring me go to vanessa planet and be me. Bring me somewhere else out of here.
I am told by my friends that I look depressed altough I'm smiling all day. WTF.
Oh gosh. You people see that. I'm such a lousy actor. =(

This is insane. I've haven't touched a bit on my revision.

Oh well. I'll try hard to make it suck less. Peace XD
And to that Libra guy, Good Luck. Your month of May, really rocks.

**************************************************************************

And Oh ya.
To my dearest Ms. Flower :

I wish you the best of luck yea. XD
Err. I'm quite a failure in relationships.

But then, 电影院里面真的很暗，真的有很多事情可以发生。 Lol.

This is just my advice to you:

Follow what your heart tells you to.

当爱情来追你的时候，你想逃也逃不掉。Lol.

你要幸福哦! <3

save me

2009-04-29T18:37:00.003+08:00

Seesh. Oh my am I tired.

Can I fall sick for the rest of the year? I don't mind dying.

Living like this :I'd be better off dead.

Exam.Exam.Exam.

still no one is to the rescue for me.

*I don't want to be girl who laugh's the loudest to cover up sadness.*

2009-04-27T15:46:00.002+08:00

Exam come. Vanessa bang bang die.

Okay. Vanessa will be gone for the rest of the month cause exams are coming.
I know you'll miss me. XD

Vanessa is going to disappear...

Now.

that is what hurts the most.

2009-04-24T22:45:00.003+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken.

That was what I thought err...Until today morning.

And this is what I think now :
I've got to run away.I can not stay here anymore.This is terrible.I should run away to Far Far Away Kingdom.Maybe a million miles a way from here. A place more familliar.I have to run.I will run and never look back.I fell down really hard, and I'll stand up again.

Gah. Someone save me.
If anyone of you is escaping, bring me with you.
I would want to go somewhere else. Somewhere like, Mars.

I've never been this nasty. It's all your fault.

SO RANDOM.

Run.Run.Run. Away.

2009-04-23T15:14:00.006+08:00

Kill me. Kill me now.

I walked home alone today. This time, I didn't want to wait for the van.
I merely had the feeling of, Walking away, as far as possible.

Walking home alone isn't all that bad.
Despite the hot weather, I kinda enjoyed walking home slowly. weird yea?
Hmm.Maybe being alone isn't too bad also.

We had a science convention is school today..well,it was way better than the last few years.
It was all because of Seagate who sponsored our school for all this.Hope they can sponsor more money each year and we'll get even cooler conventions. Lol.

Didn't have the mood to study today. Shit. Exams comes in how many weeks?
I have no idea. Oh dear.

Oh well.I'll just have to work harder. =)

Take a deep breath.

Embrace the loneliness. Yay!

-能说一万次“我爱你”，然后一句“分手”就结束的；那就是爱情。-

2009-04-22T22:34:00.001+08:00

I would run to the shoulder if I have one now.

Yes.I am that Desparate.

Perasan-ers. LOL

2009-04-22T22:05:00.003+08:00

Dear Mimosa Pudica,

Please do take note that nobody had mentioned your name in the blog post, so please,
jaganlah perasan.There were so many people working on their herbarium as well. =)
Not only you.If you're that kind, you would just let it go, wouldn't you?

Since you hate other people being copy cats as well,
this is how it feels to be called a copy cat. HAH!
This is reality, the world is not always only about you.

You call this childish, but this is what people are having on their minds.
Blogging is basically about writing your own feelings .
So,there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You do agree, don't you?

You are not a perasan-er, right?

And for those who don't like me, scram. Hate me all you want. Waste your time. Peace! XD

2009-04-21T16:36:00.003+08:00

-When you fish for love, bait with your heart. Not your brain.-

Vanessa is now being between Runaway n Stay.

Runaway; where I'll go?

Stay; OH GOSH this is miserable.

Sigh. I'm losing myself again.

- 一年的时间在一个人的生命里，占了多少分量？一个人在另一个人的生命里，又占了多少分量？-

2009-04-19T21:00:00.001+08:00

Oh gosh.

You and me doesn't belong to me anymore. It's someone else's.

How sad.

Okay. Back to blank-ness.

2009-04-19T17:38:00.003+08:00

Feeling seriously out of place today.

so random. = =

And owh yea. found this very long time ago post of mine. I'm gonna post it again, this time,here. lol.It was on August 3rd, about 2 months away from my PMR.Don't quite remember what had happend.Memories fade, you know.That time i had my nice long hair.I remember that I was still like the same old me, able to walk away with my head held high.I was still behaving like a kid.It's weird how 2 months of long holiday can change my character yea.I feel grown-up already.Like, Oh gosh. Vanessa grew -up? Serious? ; Now, yes.

And now, for the long lost post.

Windy.Hot.
Sad.Blank.

well..evrytime i write here,there will be sumtin that im sad or confused bout..haih...
dun evn noe what im thinkin oso...kinda blank dis week...trial exam comes nxt week..Pmr comes in 2 months time..

I made him lose his feelings for me.wtf.wad i did?ok.if he thinks i did nth..so be it..
just forget bout:
+the days n nights i did cry because of him.
+the days i did his hmwks fr him thru the nyt.
+ the days i stayed up late just to talk to him on the phone.
+the days i cared bout him.
+the days i worried fr him.
+the days i stayed back in skol jus to acompany him altough he thinks that im nt stayin bak fr him.so whats wif those friday?!
+the days i tought of him.
+the days i got scolded n reprimanded + grounded cos of tokin to him on the phone fr hours.
+the days i went thru without him when i needed him.sick+sad.
+the days i got scared when his angry.
+the days i tried so hard to make him happy.
+the days he threw me away.
+the days he promised me to love me forevr
+the days he promised to be there.

and thank him about:
+loving me.
+being sad cos of me.
+makin me sad cos of him.
+being angry.
+acompanying me.
+gave me his promise.
+making me cry.
+making me feel empty again.
+his valentines present fr me.
+cheering me up all the time.
+showing me his moody face.
+bringing my books fr me.
+shielded the rain fr me.
+changing ur acts fr me.
+became a gud boy.
+walking away when i needed him.

saying sorry to him:
+sorry fr cryin because of me.
+sorry fr cumin early to skol early.
+sorry i din noe hw to cheer u up.
+sorry i din noe hw sad u were.
+sorry i pulled back my hand.
+sorry i din say yes evrytime.
+sorry i hav reasons fr nt saying yes.
+sorry i said yes to help u the 1st time.
+sorry i said yes to help u the 2nd time.
+sorry i din learn hw to say no.
+sorry i din show my love enuf fr u,
+sorry i din make you think i love you.

pls do:
*pls dun evr cry again.
*pls forget about evrything.
*pls be happy.^^

总觉得我们之间，留了太多空白格。
也许你不是我的，分开或许是选择，但他也可能是我们的缘分。

well...thats the end of this.

whoo. that was childish. isn't it?

-There's nothing I can do to change what happens anyway.So,I'll just work harder to make it less worse.-

2009-04-17T15:05:00.003+08:00

Fuck you. Fuck you very much. Fuck Whoever you are.

What for steal my purse? Can't steal other people's purse is it?
I had my MayDay in it. And I loved my purse so much. It was from Taiwan.
And like now, you stole it. IT'S MINE!
GAH. Fuck you whoever you are.

Are you like brainless or what? Didn't your parents teach you that stealing is wrong?
HUH?

Budak babi yang mane curi dompet saye? BAKA. IDIOT.

If I know who you are, if you're a girl, I'll pull off all your nice hair.
If you're a boy, worse. I'll chop off what belongs to you.
Hair grows back.Yours don't.

iF i DON'T find who you are, I sure do hope you'll fall down and die*.
Kena bang down by car or something by the time you want to spend my money.
You shall eat fishball and choke in the end.
Trip and fall really badly during PJ class.
Bang onto walls, really fierce dark society people, etc.
Get beaten up by other people.
Fall from the stairs. And roll down really badly! XD
And upon all these misfortunes ,you'll come looking for me and give me back my purse.

*All of the above only causes bad injuries. Not really dead.*

Damn mad now.
Help me name this stealer.
I'm too mad to think of anything.
And super sad lor. T.T MAYDAY!!!

**************************************************************************
Friday is not the day for me. Never. Every Friday sucked like shit this year.
No. Worse than shit. It compliments shit.
Every Friday in 2009, nothing good ever happened. Only bad, very bad, worse, terrible,and horrible things happen to me.I reckon that if i bought 4D on friday, I'll end up paying the 4d company money.
I used to love Friday's, as it indicates the coming of Saturday and Sunday.
But now, Saturday and Sunday sounds like homework day and Friday means another hell week is coming.

GAHHHH. Look at me. I'm so messed up. Hope nobody sees that. seesh.
I am severely lacking of good luck. Like damn I want to run away.
There are still ,so many questions in my head.
I've been thinking of all of them increasingly these days.
If you find me sitting there motionless, well, thats pretty normal.
I'm lost. For most of the time, I don't know what I'm doing.

If someone would bring me to run away, I'll say nothing but Yes.

vanessa is lost.she lost.she's lost.
LOST I TELL YOU. LOST.

Some part of me really is malfunctioning. It's not working properly.
Somewhere... there. I think. Yeah. Right there.
\Actually, I don't quite know what's happening to me too. LOL.

Oh well. Curse you purse stealer.You made my Friday even worse.
Let me catch you and you're dead meat.

-【一年的时间，在一个人的生命里占了多少分量？；一个人在另一个人的生命里，又占了多少分量？】-

2009-04-15T20:34:00.003+08:00

Oh Gee. I'm getting bored of this blogskin already.It's only back for 2 days. Oh my.

A change would be nice. If I have time for it. ish.
How can I say I don't have time when I'm typing crap here?

I'm having a mental break down here. I don't even know why.
Everything is going so crazy for me. GAHH.

My parents aren't agreeing with whatever i say, and not giving me any support on what I do.
Okay, so what if I did wrong, can't they at least please say it in a nice manner and not to hurt me?I sat on the floor and cried over a stupid thing my dad said. Is this crazy or something?

I get very worked up easily these days, so please please, bear with me a little kays?
To all my friends, If i don't reply you quick enough when any of you call me, I'm being somewhere else.I'm wondering and wandering around.
I'm so frustrated. Very frustrated. OH- SO- VERY FRUSTRATED.
And the point is, I don't know why am I sooooo Frustrated.
This sucks.

How I wish I can run to the beach or a really deep hole to scream and shout my lungs out.

Things haven't been all smooth for me for the first four months of Form 4.
I'm like a little kid being in an adult's world. I don't understand what's happening.
Everything seemed to be so different.

I have so many questions that will never have answers.
The only thing i could ask is only Why?
Because I was too not brave enough to ask.
I thought i won't be wanting to know all of it. But I do.

I'm only brave on the outside.Not all the way through.
I'm not as strong as you think of me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !

Vanessa is so dead.

-失去的灵魂，就再也要不回来了-

2009-04-13T15:29:00.002+08:00

“ 唔...你最近还好吗？”

“嗯。还好。你呢？”

“我也很好。”

“哦。”

-其实，好与不好，已经和对方无关了。-

2009-04-11T22:09:00.003+08:00

Woots. It's raining. Time to go out and play.

Err. Sorry yea. Johann and KhaiXiang *

I merely felt the need to write something in chinese.
Cause...I thought that chinese is more... Gosh. I don't know how to say.
But anyway Johann, reading more chinese is good for you! XD

A week passed again. Time is passing faster and faster day by day.
I've kinda got used to my hectic life now. Is this something good? Err. I hope so.

Exam's comin...And I've never started anything yet.
Form 4 sucks like Shit. Worse than Shit! It Compliments Shit!
Owhh I so love Hells Kitchen that invented this phrase. XD
I reckon form 5 won't be any better. So, until then, I'll have to invent another fantastic phrase.

And the herbarium thingy...I skipped the drama in my church today just to get it done.
But obviously, it's still not done. LOL. Due next week laa. sobs.
I really do hope some Herbarium King would poof out and help me finish all the stuff.

Like, *POOF* here you go Vanessa, Your herbarium is done!

And OH-MY-GOD. My oral. I really pray that BM and BI teacher would let me off.
I don't want to do both on the same day!
I've not even touched anything for my english oral test.
As for the BM one, I got fed up already.

Being busy is one way to distract me. Woots.

Okay..There's school tommorow again.I used to Oh-So -Love- School.
But now, going to school feels Terrible. Horrible. Unexplainable. Sigh.

I'll just need to go a million miles away from here. Somewhere , more familliar.
And then I'll forget everything.Then I shall come back even stronger than Superman in Krypton.

Oh well. Vanessa is already so far away. Would she go back?

OH- MY -GOD. I can't belive it. I'm so far away.

-你教我怎么爱上；却没有告诉我怎么遗忘。-

2009-04-10T17:40:00.003+08:00

Don't know how to describe how I feel now. Kinda terrible.Complicated.
Wait till I invent some pro words to tell how I feel now.

Until then, let me ask all of you a question:

What is love?

什么是爱情？

I don't think even the smartest guy in the world would know the answer.
Maybe only God knows the answer. Dang.
Well, feel free to answer the question for me yea.

人要跌倒才能知道怎样爬起来；
人要受过伤，才能知道有多痛；
人要参加过比赛，努力奋斗过后，才能知道胜利的滋味。

如果做什么事情都要试过才明白，那么，要知道什么是爱情，就要谈过恋爱，曾经爱过人咯？

Whoever that knows what is love, he is a genius.

谁知道什么是爱情，谁就是天才。

2009-04-09T15:54:00.003+08:00

Seriously, Vanessa has to learn to be happy. again.

But not going back, she has to move on.

那个蓝色的人必须消失。

嗯，会很努力的。

反正那块蛋糕也要不回来了，那就给他好了。

我不要让人抢我的蛋糕了啦。留给自己多一些好了。 love myself more.

被人把蛋糕拿走了，还真不是滋味。真是的。

你和她在一起的时候，把多一些的蛋糕分给她就是了。

嗯，是时候醒了。
虽然，我还是比较喜欢骗自己睡觉。

×To a guy, a relationship maybe only a chapter. But, to a girl, it means the whole book.×
But oh well, guys are genetically modified to be this way. We shouldn't blame them. Right?
Maybe someday, I'll invent some super pro stuff to make guys think at the girl's side. Wooh! =)

Genetically Modify them. haha.

2009-04-07T16:53:00.007+08:00

-而我知道放开手，但却不知道怎么忘掉。-

And the line is still soo freakin slow. Ish.
I feel like writing chinese leh. lols.

这几天，一整个很忧伤，朋友们都说看到一个蓝色的人在到处晃。
大家都在大笑的时候，我只笑了一半。大家都在深锁眉间严肃的时候，我的眉间不但挤不出皱纹，反而还比平时更平坦。我的食量少了一半，而我呆坐着的时间比平时多了一倍。

你失去的是那时候，最初的感动。

你已经不再属于你自己的了，至少在你真正的让自己自由之前，你都不是你自己的。

因为这是我们的报应，当初我们选择沉默的报应。

分开或许是选择，但它也可能是我们的缘分。

喂，这场梦，该醒了吧?

不过，这场梦真的很难醒。

雨天，是因为在这世界的某个角落又发生了一次轮回，类似谁又爱上了谁，因为又放弃了谁，或是失去了谁，因此生命谁。然后相信自己忘了什么是眼泪，哭是一种再陌生不过的行为，像一个厨师失去了味觉，再也没有办法分辨咸苦的滋味，就算是秀色可餐的宴，你兴冲冲地尝了一口，却宁愿从此失去味觉。

然后说服自己躺到床上装睡，凌晨三点的空气里，秒针像是被装上了地雷，每走一秒，就炸上一回。突然间发觉，过去的美丽幻觉全都是梦境，起自己痴痴迷迷的醉。

然后太阳微醒的睁开了眼，月亮赖皮想要多留一会，天空蓝色的布半哄半骗，说蓝色是一种魔鬼，法力高强邪术精炼，千万别让他发现，先去睡，先去睡，晚上才安全，适合你的只有黑夜。

那块蛋糕，我应该要不回来了。灵魂有空缺了。 OH MY GOD. EHH, so what yea?

嗯。
过瘾了。

-【第101 篇心情】-

2009-04-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

'Girl, for goodness sake, he doesn't like you anymore. You can go bang wall ler", said Vanessa to Vanessa.* and many other people. = =

Don't know how many times I banged the wall.

I still have so much to say, but I think some things are not meant to be said.
Leaving them unsaid, would be better yea? He wouldn't want to know either.He won't have time for that anymore.For the next three years, he'll be busy.Me too.Altough i don't know what I'll be busy doing .

Oh well. *Happy Ever After* do not exist in Vanessa's world. She tried twice, and got hurt.
She won't try it again. She'll die if she does that again.No more repitition.

Seesh. I'm having flash backs increasingly lately.This has to stop.This is so not healthy.

Nevermind. As long you're happy beh.

记得，

心情不好的话，就去散步吧。

散步；就是要漫无目的的走，不走直线，慢慢地走。

走着走着，就会想通一些事情；一些之前想不通的事。

在我的想不通的范围内，就是怎么忘记你，和该不该忘记。

这是第 100 篇的心情。
-[ 100th post]-
-[100th heartfelt feelings.]-

2009-04-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

And hey ya bitch.

Sorry for calling you a bitch.I guess...For some reasons, You're not one anymore.

Help me think of a better name to imply this girl.

Smile yea =)

Wooh. Vanessa is so grown-up. XD

我应该也是忍着的，不然我不会像现在这样狼狈，而你的应该也不会这么快乐。

[The 99th post.]
[My 99th hearltfelt feelings.]

I really shouldn't miss you; But I can't let you go.

2009-04-03T15:35:00.004+08:00

BOOOOOO !

It sucks majorly to walk alone back home. UGH.
That bloody school bus went away without picking me up. AGAIN.
I ended up walking home ALONE. AGAIN.

Walking home on your own makes the 15min distance feel like it was an hour.
seesh. Should have went with szehao they all. But I have tuition. DAMN.
And it's so hot today...It would have been better if i walk home drenched wet.
At least my face won't feel the burn. SEEESH.
It's scary to walk alone on the road too.After what happend to Vivian,it's even scarier. *Trembles*
What if somebody walks behind me and snatches my bag? OMG.
They'll be stupid to think of even abducting me. Ms.Lo said it would cost them a lot of nuisance and money .And I don't know why she said that. Vanessa is such a good girl.
Oh well.

I sure hope that I won't need to walk home alone leh. IT SUCKS. sob.

You bloody school bus.Wait for me a while will die is it?

And hor. I really think that dates that are related with 3 and 5 are really very anti-lucky for me lorh. GAH. I tought only Friday the Thirteen sucks. But today, Friday, April 3rd. Eff.

List of unlucky-ness.

I somehow got off with the BM oral test I'm supposed to have today which I've been so annoyed about and memorizing the stuff by using my precious sleep.It doesn't count as something lucky because I prepared for it and WeiMing helped me with it.
I think I got gastric problems already. Causes are not eating breakfast and dinner on time. It's soo painful! Shit this too. =(
I still got sunburnt altough I had all my face covered with sunscreen. Stupid sunscreen.
My bus got away without even waiting for me. And I had to walk home alone. AGAIN.
My friends went to Convent for some lawatan and I had to go for tuition. BAKA.
And also, I lost my voice again.
I've been super duper not myself and muddle headed.
Everything is going deja vu!!

sob sob. Is it purely coincidence or I'm just being severely lacking in good luck recently?Nothing went well for me for these few months.The starting of 2009 wasn't nice to me at all.I've been through some of those worse days that would probably happen to me during all my secondary school life.I think.And it ain't getting any better.It's happening the other way.I can only pray that my life would change a lil.As long I can get away from all the suey-ness.

And a week passed so quick this week.It's what I feel tough...How do you feel then?

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,Friday, and its Saturday again.Sunday, and everything starts all over again.This is such an unhealthy cycle. 恶性循环 is what we call it.

You study and study all the week.My life began to be so ... systematic? Everyday, I face so many homeworks.I have to stay back until 2.30pm in school for classes for almost everyday.I reach home about 3pm then.That is if the school bus leaves without me.Reach home, I bathe, eat, rest, and do my homework.And afterthat, tuition. It's going on and on like this for the whole week except for Tuesdays and Sundays. It's tiring. Very tiring.But at least it keeps me away from bad stuffs. Hahas. * Mengelakkan diri daripada terjebak ke dalam gejala negatif.*

Funny.I can blog soo much here about my toughts and go blank when teachers ask me to write an essay or ask me about my opinions.Hopeless. Maybe Im just good on ranting what I think. Agree?

Why is time running away? But no point sulking about it also...It doesn't wait for anyone.

Bill Gates says: Life is not fair. - get used to it.

*Maybe I'll just stay some where far from you, that you won't see me. And I'll love you from there. Yeah. Right there. LOL.* - says Vanessa.

2009-04-02T15:01:00.002+08:00

I've got nothing to say.
nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing.
I'm soo blank.
blank blank blank blank blank.
Oh well.

Exams comin. siao.

I don't like the atmosphere in my class.it sucks.

Where have those laughters and stupidity we had went huh?

Did i went away too long and everyone changed?

I enjoyed my form 3 life. Really, i do.

At least it's not so boring all the time..we study happily. NOT LIKE THIS.

seesh.I'll love to see everyone to be like in form 3. ^^

2009-03-30T21:15:00.002+08:00

Don't know what happend to me today.I'm just freakin crazy, and cry after i laugh.
I find myself scary doing that also.Don't know untill when will this go on.I'm not as tough.
I suck in my life.I've never made any good decisions in my life.

I just hope that this time, my decision will be right.
At least someone is happy, isn't it?
That's good enough...i think.

And OH MY GAD. I took such time and braveness to make this decision kays.
Sigh.I chose to give up.I once belived in fairy tale endings, but maybe they just won't happen.

Oh well.

I can only numb myself with work!
Speaking of work..I really hadn't done many of them the pass few weeks.ish.

Please, I beg you, before I get over it, don't rub it in.
Get away from me when you're supposed to even look at her face.Stay away.Please.

And, You'll be happy. =)

2009-03-28T20:34:00.004+08:00

It's Earth Hour today, lights off!

Today was Anugerah Cemerlang..Not bad la..But the dissapointing part is we didn't get the pewter trophy we wanted!GAH. And also, no money. I'm so money-minded sia.

And only today, i found that i can't smile or laugh really from the heart anymore.

I find my smiles are sooo fake.seeesh.
Most of the photos taken today by the teachers, I didn't smile like i use to when taking photos..
I only gave fakey smiles.It sucks.

He's up and running already and I'm still sitting here crying on the floor.
I've had enough.I can't let myself be like this anymore.
I've lost 3kg in the past week.and shit.it's not really healthy.I just don't eat as much.But then,3kg doesn't show any difference.

Oh well.Everythings cool as long as im getting thinner. Don't care .

Really, I've tought it through already, so..it ends here.I think.
Altough im not sure how long it'll take me to forget someone, but as long im trying, it's cool.

It's not all he's fault afterall, It's mine for a quarter of it.
He's not a bad guy, I made him one.
It's okay for him to leave me, I understand.People around me should too.
He has his own life now, and it doesn't relate to me anymore i think.
We'll still work together in a commitee, and it maybe only this year.
And his friends, don't isolate him, he's not as bad as you think.
He's lonely in the inside..maybe.

********************************************************
Who's that person next to you, did she make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can’t get close nor try to talk to you.
I spend long nights by myself, erasing our memories a thousand times

Don’t ever look back and leave me.
Don’t find me again and live on.
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories with you.
I can bear it in some way; I can stand in some way.
You should be happier than me.

If we pass by each other on the street,
Act like you didn’t see me and go the way you were walking to.
If you keep thinking about our past memories, I might go look for you secretly.

Always be happy with her, so I won’t ever change my mind.
Even smallest regret won’t be left out ever.
Show me how well you can live.

You should always be like that bright sky, like the white clouds.
Yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened.

I hope you will live better after you have left me.
Please forget that you ever knew me and move on with your life.
Those tears will dry away as time passes by.

It's something I'll be able to live with.
You have be happier than me. =)

***********************************************

I truly wish you'll see this.

Vanessa grew up today. Teehee.

2009-03-25T15:06:00.000+08:00

Wednesday sucked even worse than Monday and Tuesday did!
Yay me!

2009-03-24T17:37:00.002+08:00

My Tuesday sucked just like Monday did! Whoo! Grats me.

Terrible.Terrible.Terrible.

Okay.I need to do something horrible to other people.Maybe I would feel better that way.
Erm..Can I throw shoes at you? Stand infront of me and my stinky shoe will be on your face.

Seesh.Im too nice to do that.

And OHH SHITT. My pimples are coming out again...seeeesh!!!
Save my face please. Haih. I look and feel terrible. How lucky.

For the past whole week, nothing really good has happend to me.Only bad, really bad,very bad and the worse things happend.This week might as well be the same.

I tought I would live just as well; but im not. its only getting worse.

2009-03-20T22:07:00.003+08:00

What am i supposed to do when the best part of me is always you?

What am i supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?

It's all my fault I'm sorry you did absolutely nothing wrong.
I don't know why I felt the need to drag it out for all these years.
All the pain I've caused you, The constant flow of all the tears,
Believe me when I say that I cannot apologise enough ,
When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love .
And if it's not too late ..
Could you please find it deep within your heart, to try and go back to the start?

2009-03-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

2009-03-19T13:25:00.006+08:00

Perhaps, Sorries come too late when someone has made up his mind to give up on you.

I feel pretty darn whole dumb.
I repeatedly did something i know is stupid.

GAHHHHH.

I really just want to walk away full of pride;with my bruises all over.

Just so you know,
You've just hurt a girl really badly.She can't erase everything from her mind at once.She don't forget everything that means to her easily.She's suffering a great deal of pain right here.
She's waiting for you to tell her it's over, so she could get her life back.She's hoping that its not over, but it seems to be.She had dissapoint you, but have you ever tought of her dissapointment?She's so sorry but she loves you.So,if you don't love her, tell her, and let her be her again.

And to her friends, WeiQing, Suresh, WeiWei, PueiLing, YinKuan,Jo And Roderick(Altough I don't know you well. =p). Thanks loads ^^ I love you all <3>Okays..Here's something that really cheered me up today...Altough im still kinda not me right now.It's Lily Allen's Fuck You.She made the Eff word sounded like something nice like thank you.Hahas..I just love this song. hahas.

Enjoy ^^

2009-03-18T20:59:00.002+08:00

It's not fair
And I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
You're supposed to care

It's not fair
And It's really not okay
It's really not okay
It's really not okay
You're supposed to care
But all you do is take
All you do is take

2009-03-17T18:16:00.003+08:00

Seesh.I hate myself for doing things that weren't supposed to do and hurt myself in the end.
I know what would probably happen, and know it would hurt myself.

I STILL DO IT.

Eff.I hate this.It's like I've learnt my lesson, but then again, i do it again.
GAHHHHH.

I know it's gonna hurt.I know what would happen.I know everything.
Yet, i choose to close my eyes, my ears, and bring myself to a deep deep hole and jump into it.
And after i climb out of the hole, I tend to jump into it again.I really don't know how many times this happened.I ended up with bruises and scars.

No matter what I do, Im still empty in the inside.
I tell people im fine.But really, im not.
Behind every smile, there's just that something there.
This is pathetic; I know.
I don't have to do this; I know.
I can just walk away full of pride; I know.
But i can't do it.

You'll probably be thinking: This girl damn useless sia.
Yeah.She is.Probably the most pathetic girl you could ever meet.
She even wakes up and cry in the middle of the night.
She does stupid things and are not apreaciated .And in the end, she got herself hurt.

Forget it.As if like what i do now would help.
If anything does, tell me.

I remember those good memories.
The bad ones; i just let them go.

Will you stay?

2009-03-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

Well ... Grats to WeiWei for getting her internet connection back...WOOTS!

Holidays are sooo boring... T.T
Loads of homework ...Didn't even touch a wee bit of the homeworks.
Sigh. And the dammy herberium thingy. Make sure those people gimme something nice after i finish the thing hor. Grrr.

I shall start doing my homeworks.... TOMORROW!
*If im not lazy enough to stick with the plans. XD

My Wii is still dead.. =(
I love you my Wii~ revive please?
I want to beat up rabbits!!!

I have nothing better to do other than homeworks.GAHH.
And anywayy...WeiQing's coming backk ffrom Penang tonight!
Woots.Finally got someone to teman me go somewhere.hahas.

I try to be so cool whole day but im so hyper in the inside!
Altough i don't have anything to be hyper about. = =
Ah, whatever. Being hyper don't have anything bad about it right? XD

WOOSH.WEEESH.WAAASH.

Truly, i have no idea what im doing right now.
It's insane.Only people who suffers from insanity like me would understand. XD

INSANITY.

Why won't you stay?

2009-03-15T19:00:00.002+08:00

Girl, breathe in deep and say goodbye.

You're good as gone.

You don't love me; like you did, yesterday.

2009-03-13T23:24:00.002+08:00

Friday the Thirteen.Again.Yesterday..
==
Nothing really bad happened to me..Lucky..
Thanks to Mr.Tan. lols. =)

But then..today really sucked...I should have a record book to record all of my effy n damn suey days.YiYong persuaded me to go for the kursus last night..GAHH.Shouldn't have listened to her.
That bitch was there and made my day suck soo much.ish.
Feeling so down now..haih..
I cried until my eyes popped out. well,not really..but its really sore already...ish.
Someday im gonna make that bitch cry like she never cried before.

Haih.

Seeing you walking out of my life.

2009-03-07T23:46:00.007+08:00

Finally...exams over...
I sucked in my exams...and apparently my mind was not on the exam.
I'll probably fail in a few of them...

GAH..WHATEVER.

IT HAS BEEN DONE.Forget it.

Some happy thing for the day: I've got a new haircut..which i like! So impossible.XD
I had this haircut because i was merely just feeling very down.
Just to go crazy for an instance.And now it's short already.
The auntie felt pity for my once long hair.She still didn't want to cut it mushroom for me.hahas.

And for the pass week...Technically,I've gone crazy.
Being ignored is bad enough already...Exam summore..So tired..
Can't sleep well at night too.I wake up in the middle of the night n cry.WHOO~
Bad bad dream.Maybe im just thinking too much during the day.But it's like...I can't not think about it lor.This sucks.Shaking my head doesn't seem to work leh.It just won't go away!

GAAHHH!

Weiqing is not here...ish.
No one here to help me rant leh.

I attempted to throw shoes,slap,and kick a girl last week.
Luckily there was people there...Or not I'll go drive a car and bang her off the road.
And damn.There's always people whenever i attempt to throw things at her.
Don't look at me la!!I just want to throw my shoes on her face!!!Once is good enough. Maybe*
That kind of stupid face.Always act so innocent.damn lor.Bitch is bitch.Act so innocent for what?

装清纯。==

People ask me why i dislike her so much.Easy. SHE'S A BITCH.
I just learnt how to call bitch in korean.lols. Oh well.
Super angry de lor.
Got one more stupid guy scold me for calling her a bitch.

Stupid guys go all GAGA over her innocent face. Want a slap from me or not?
I won't go easy on the face.
Whoever that thinks that bitch is a nice girl, You shall get a slap from me.
Or even worse.I might break your bones.
So, for safety measures, please don't tell me how good is she infront of me.
You might just end up in the hospital.

*Except for Suresh.I can only attack him by using pepsi bottles. XD

That bitch made me flunk my exam.Stupid!!!
That guy who was always beside her made me dislike her even more.
Where is Chris Brown when you need him?Come help beat the bitch!

Hope im not too harsh on you. But I do dislike you very much. =)
Do forgive me. Im just taking back what belongs to me.
F.Y.I. : It's NOT YOURS.
So scram!Go away!

I just can't finish this post without weiqing.I can't think of any more bad things about the girl.
I'll vomit blood if i continue on myself.argh.
WeIQing faster come on9!! I need you la...T.T

Really feeling very down.ish.

2009-03-06T15:34:00.002+08:00

WAHAHAHAHA~

EXAM FINISH EDY~

*HIGH*

Now to jap class~
will update later at night.i think.
Got loads to blog about.
Loads of rantings. XD

2009-02-22T16:43:00.002+08:00

I wonder how had the competition gone so far...
Why does it have to be on Sunday?Everything on Sunday.shit la.See, i'm not there all the time!
And taht explains why im so left out everytime and spending time blogging over here.ish.

Feeling so giddy here.zzz.argh. WHO WOULD CARE?

Oh well.Blog some other time i think...really giddy already...

SMKSP SJAM ROCKS~
Gambatte~^^

*Where are you?*

2009-02-21T21:54:00.005+08:00

灵魂就像一块蛋糕，当你爱过一个人，你就会分出一部分的灵魂给他，像是蛋糕被剥去了一小片；
如果他也爱你，那么他就会分出一部分的灵魂给你，像是给你一小片蛋糕。这一来一往之间，那一小片蛋糕的施于受，总是会让你的灵魂恢复原状。但如果你爱上的人并不爱你，那么你的灵魂就会出现缺口，因为给出去的永远要不回来。

2009-02-21T15:44:00.001+08:00

=( ugh.

2009-02-20T22:14:00.002+08:00

No mood to blog.

Predictibly, my day sucked again.

wait till im through with this.when im over it.vanessa will change.

she will not be like before.

she won't be hurt anymore.

SEE ME CHANGE.

Random.

2009-02-16T14:57:00.003+08:00

Monday sucks.So not myself today.
I'm going mad already.
So wish I can break my hand just like Eric did.Breaking a leg would me okay for me too.
Or get the Aedes mosquito to come suck my blood and get admitted to the hospital.
Why aren't mosquitos as cool as vampires?They suck blood also leh.
What happens if you burn a mosquito n a roach?
Oh well.I'll try it someday.
Tired.I want to sleep!!

Jo-Hann...kacau la you.tag me for what.Saturday only I write.

劈腿的话，我会从十米外助跑，然后给你一个飞踢。

2009-02-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

1 week passed again la...OMG.
Eff lo.WHY PASS SO FAST?
STOP STOP STOP!!!
argh.this sucks.im going to spent the rest of 365 days like this?
oh well.that couldn't be that bad. POSITIVENESS!

Okay...review of my week.

Monday...didn't have school.IT ROCKS.Add maths tuition.Oh my.I suck in add maths.
Tuesday...Start school.Forgot what happened leh.I just know im not that in to the day.
Wednesday...I went to cut my HAIR!3 inches leh...but others just said no difference.i got this really clean cut..it made my hair look so...SQUARE.Thats what i think..Pretty out of the mood until wednesday.I almost wanted to cut off my hair .But in the end only cut off 3inches.zz.Wait for a few months.And I'll think about cutting it off again.LOL.
Okay..its Thursday already.super fast...Okay...Got some one asked me whether i cut my hair myself.T.T
I didn't cut it myself lo.Altough its very square.zz
Friday!Finally you're here!Im tired! Thank you Lord for creating Friday!
Uh-Oh.Ooops.Its Black Friday.Im damn suey.Altough not like JiaMin n Eric...Who one feel down and Eric who broke his arm.Take care yea Eric.

And then Saturday came.It was a schooling day and it made it worse.Its Valentines day.The almost worse than Black Friday day.Valentines day sucks.Anyway.Got a rocher frm haukit n a bear frm Kuek N YiYong.Hahas.Somethin better than lousy Valentines day.
This is the day that i start to hate valentines day.IGNORED.
En.Chong said: Valentines day is just a day created by buisness men to earn more money!

SO TRUE.

My mom got so happy when she got SK-II Gift Pack as her Valentines Day present.She asked me whether I've got any.Sadly,NO.

Anyway...Pn.Catherine teached us about the Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare For like 2/3 times lo...
So funny!She even asked us to convert it into a song n sing it to our loved ones on Valentines.LOL.
WeiMing converted it into the Ponyo theme song...hahaha.
Imagine this in Ponyo theme song version.The lyrics fits just to the tune!
Teacher said that this was a love poem...

I don't see the love in it,Shakespeare.Use English that I can understand!
And Mr.Shakespeare...Do you need to let Juliet die n Romeo throw pebbles to her window ah?Write some other stuff other than love stories!I hate you.Keep love here love there.seesh.
I just don't like you.And I have to study your poems.
What's with the Brief candle summore?Keep TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW.
You have no more TOMORROWS Sir.Your'e dead 300 years ago.
Im scolding Shakespeare for no reason.I don't like Romeo & Juliet.Neither do I like your Sonnet 18.
LOVE HERE LOVE THERE.NOTHING BETTER TO WRITE?
Oh well.Scolding a dead guy doesn't make sense.Love Stories like Romeo n Juliet DO NOT exist.FAKE.
Shakespeare made it up.
Im done venting here.HAHA.

I hate Valentines Day.

2009-02-07T14:51:00.003+08:00

WeiQing, today is NOT better leh. hahas.
It still sucks.

Cross country today owh...not many people got injured today..so..at least thats something to be happy about.

My blogskin went gaga boom again.soo shytie.
This new blogskin would do.Potatoes rock!
I still love my old blogskin.

Nt much time to blog recently.
Always got tuition de.So tiring sia.

blog tonight or sumtin.bye!

2009-02-06T22:45:00.002+08:00

Okay.This week sucked.majorly.
Im so tired.Im worn out already.Sigh..

It's my fault tough.

Wakin up early tmr...
Night world.
Would you treat me nicely tommorow?

P.S. I love you world!

Im crazy.screwed.and basically,sad.

2009-01-26T19:07:00.002+08:00

GOING OFF TO BANGKOK FOR SHOPPING~

Anyone who wants to come to my house take angpao de take note yea..
im only back on Saturday!
Come by then if you all want to.=p

WAHAHAHA~

Im going to

SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP!

I'll buy somethin for you guys IF i remember. LOLS. XD

I'm so high la!
Don't miss me too much yea! XD

2009-01-20T17:27:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR YEA~

WISH EVERYONE WILL GET ALOT OF ANGPAO'S~~

RESSESION.NONE OF MY BUISNESS.GIMME MY ANGPAO!=P

Huhu~ New Year le owh~

Will be gone for 4 days in Bangkok.

I want to see just how cold is 14 degrees in Bangkok.And LOL.Bangkok is 14 degrees celcius.

FEELING SUPER MUCH BETTER JUST COS' CNY IS COMING.=)

Live like you've never been alive before.

Laugh like you've never laugh before.

Love like you've never been hurt before.

I'd hold on; but it hurts too much.

2009-01-13T15:48:00.003+08:00

Sigh.
im dying already.i'm just wondering why am i still here.
im supposed to be banged down by cars by now.
this is so not fair.
i live pass a day like its a year.damn it.
why does the time go so slow?
specially those effin stupid stares.that treats you're invisible.
it sucks alot.basically,my whole world pretty much sucks now.or maybe it will suck even longer.forever.

it feels like tears bursting out again.

how can this be fair when im alone being emo and sulking and he is all jolly n happy?
You can talk to others for hours without even looking at me for once.That is soo damn not fair.
Why aren't you talking to me like you're used to it?
If i am about to be ditched, please tell me kays?
Me sleepin with that red lil doll every night makes me weep.
I don't know what are you thinking.I don't understand.I can't.
Was it supposed to be like this yea?

All that I tried didn't make you feel anything.
Maybe i don't matter anymore?
See.Im making wild guesses.This is what that runs through my mind the whole day long.
There are much more going through my mind whole day.I hate it.
I can't do anything than that.seesh.
Can you please remember...im a girl.I cry way more than you do.

*我的心变冷，你不闻不问;你的爱变冷，我不能过问。*

2009-01-07T17:50:00.000+08:00

Truly.Im sad.ish.

IT'S KILLING ME.

2009-01-07T17:31:00.004+08:00

It's killing me.

Form 4 is crazy..Im going crazy.

Im imagining how would i die if this would go on.

Sad. and eff it.

School ends at 2.30pm from now on...ish

Tuitions are coming all my way...haih

I hv 12 subjects.seesh

The starting of the new year wasn't good for me..

Things that sulked me..made me a new me.

I don't think 2009 would be nice to me; but pls be nice to me...T.T

I scolded some people outside the dewan yesterday.

Hope you all don't mind yea.Im in a bad mood.

And for people who got scolded for nothing from me, sorry too.
Im just not myself now.If you see me with a sulky face, sorry yea.

Oh well.Hope that I would find the real vanessa back yea?

vanessa is now utterly sad.=(

I would die in form 4 is this continues.
Oh well.I shall be dead in form 4.

*i love my bed.but it just won't love be back.*

2009-01-03T21:25:00.002+08:00

My bloggy is kinda dead for few days edy...So it's time to update edy..
Or not my bloggy will end up like adrian's.CPR oso no use.LOLS.

But i have nothing to blog about.
Had such a shitty day yesterday...WeiQing they all went to city square watch movie...
And I can' t go.How shitty.Sobb

School startin ler leh...I was quite excited about it at first..But then these few days maybe the weather sulked me down.It's been quite cloudy these few days i suppose...I didn't even know about the weather.Ish.This is Vanessa before school reopens.I was supposed to be all excited and happy kays..Haih.

Today morning I was HYPER.
But then after a while dunno what shit sulk me down again.
Damn.Eff lorh.
Maybe it was some weird respond from people.
Oh.Whatever.

These people are really hard to please.
Too Hyper cannot,TOO quiet also cannot.wth.
Haih.THIS did sulk me.
Can't you people just make up your mind and tell me what you want me to do?
This is ridiculous.Why am I following your orders anyway?
It's like automatic yea.
And it's not YOUR fault also.IT'S MINE.You tell me this and im so effin sulked.
Im ignorant and childish.DON'T LIKE?Please don't make me be ridiculous.
Just tell me.If I can't change.Live with it.

Neway,Any of you who don't understand what i'm blogging about..Sorry.
Im not good at writing.=)

Oh.Whatever.
I've stopped beliving long ago.=)

I'd try to hold on; but it hurts too much.

2008-12-30T14:43:00.003+08:00

My ear is still inflammed.Ouch.
This is so damn terrible lerh.
Give me antibiotics..My goodness!!!

Hmm...anyway...PMR result day!!!
Wahaha.I was like so nervous lerh.
My goodness.So high just morning.
Screaming like a bit crazy..hahas.

whee~ 8A's...Finally lerh! waited for whole two months for this day.
Worked hard for whole 3 years for this day!@
wheee...straight A's!!!

Hmm.3years passed lerh.It's like ...UPSR was not far away, and PMR came.
3years...Many things happend owh.
and it just passed like that!
Anyway, I'll think I'll do a summary of 2008 tommorow.
Anyone of you have any topic...come tell me owh..hahas.

Oh well.Grandpa say going to treat me dinner lerh...cos of my straight A..
Hahax.

Neway, till the holiday ends, I still need someone to text ,call,msn, me...ish..
im soo bored.
I can't stand a time alone!

Song of the day!
Broken Strings- James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado.
Sing A long Song- 方大同

Ish.This two songs are soo nice.>< kays.End of blogpost.

*I'll love you a little less than before.*

*一年的时间对一个人的生命来说，占了多少分量？；而一个人在另一个人的生命里，能占多少分量？*

2008-12-27T19:07:00.003+08:00

Hey..It's my birthday today~

Celebrated yesterday anyways.

Thanks to zup zup group and weiqing~

Wakaka.We ate steamboat together leh...hahax.

But all of their faces are like: This is the last meal for Vanessa.She is going to be dead tomorrow.

All shitty faces.Not high at all.Ish.

They were scared of being too noisy to interrupt my parents.

Walao eh.Seesh.Make me so emo!

Another thing..How come everything spoil when they come har?

Anyway...Slept about 4am yesterday with yiyong n jiamin...hahas...
Took loads of weird photos...hahaha.

After half an hour, my birthday would officially end ; and im officially 15!=)

Thanks for everybody who wished me happy birthday~

By the way, Im kinda dissapointed tough.
My b'day endin ler lerh...
I still haven receive that 1 birthday wish.
It would be nice for that wish now.
Sobb.

Oh well.My bad.

*Happy Birthday me.*

2008-12-25T20:44:00.002+08:00

Stupid flu.
Make my nose block.
Make my ears inflammed.
So painful..T.T

Hmm.Last night was fun tough.
Rain + barbeque. How tragic. How romantic.
The fire just won't light up.
The chicken wings just won't cook.
The food all drenched wet.As well as us.
The watermelons went super juicy.Thanks to acid rain.
Those chicken wings are so poorthing.They fell on the floor.><

My hair went white cause of tepung.
My pair of favorite black pants went white.
I ate a lot of tepung; they don't taste good at all.
I became a white ghost.ish.
I went home with a pair of sticky white shoes.zz

I've been talking to my plush toys.LOL.
There's a new toy for me to talk to.Hahas..
That gift exchange thingy yesterday.

Go away you stupid flu!

And i just don't understand.
Argh.Whatever.Just pray that this is not wrong.If it's wrong, I'll just fall down again.
Im ok with it.

I love my bed!

Oh well.Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T18:29:00.002+08:00

Wahaha.
Im sick . Again~
Terrible sore throat.whee~

I drank a big jug of water today.kinda broke my record...i think.

I haven't bought a christmas present neh...~
What to buy?

I watched naruto like crazy today with my sister.
Shes a huge fan..i guess.
20 episodes one go finish...4hours or 5 hours i think...
watching and watching.i had nth to do anyway.

Im losing my mind today.hahas.
Anyway, i've already lost it just a week ago.
Help me find me back.xD

Bad WeiWei.I want ice cream..sob...Don't ci4 ji1 me larh...T.T

I need parties.
I'm so gonna get crazy if I continue on like this.

Everybody seems so busy this holiday...
Only me.Super free de.
Free until i want do work.
But it's like having a bomb in my head now...So painful.ish.

2008-12-22T14:16:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with vampires.
Whether their real or not.
whee.

Oi.Vampire.faster bite me.I want to be a vampire too.lols.
But vanessa, don't be naive.

But anyway.Vampires can't cry.How sad.
My tears came back.wheee.

My dream of being banged by a car had been stopped by my dad.Ish.
Should I be happy about this har?
If yes, tell me and I'll be happy about it.
If no, tell me and I'll try again.
And this time, I'll run.

By the way, Good Luck WeiWei.

It's christmas.Can I get a curing ice cream as my christmas present?

*I'm just a girl that is trying to not be alone and empty.*

I'm only a girl.

2008-12-20T13:20:00.004+08:00

Ish.

So sad.So depressed.So emo.

wahaha.Im emo .

Im supposed to be excited about my b'day cause you we're going to buy me a bday present.

HAH. That present is not going to be mine anymore.

Afterall, you don't know me anymore.So why give me a present?Right?

My phone number would merely appear as some weird number you don't know on your phone.
This was what you did to the last girl.eh?
It's worse when I know how you're going to treat me.
I know so well.ugh.

I think I should cut my hair, change a name, and flee to some place that there is no possible anyone could find me.Too bad i can't do that.But cutting my hair and change a name, kinda possible for me.

I tought i was stronger.But i'm not.

I'm stubborn.I don't lose.
So do you.
That's why we both fell down.Really badly.

Oh well.
I really wish that i can fall down or hurt myself in whatever way that it was an accident.
And cause me to break my leg..hand or anything.
Then I'll have to put up a cast and not move for a week or so.
I'll be good as dead eh.
Let me try to play dead for a while.See whether am i suitable to be dead.
And I don't have to return to school until i'm supposed to.
And if i like it, I think I'll fall down more often.Unless somedody stops me to.
So i can always put on casts and play dead.

Anyway...Now i can only talk to my stuffed toys about my day and ask them questions.
They didn't respond me.Oh well.

All I want for Christmas is...Who?

*& when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory.*

*Cause when a heart breaks; it doesn't break even.*

tied together with a smile.

2008-12-19T14:34:00.003+08:00

Ish.I really do not want to go that party tonight.
Out of the mood.
It's going to be christmas, and then my birthday, and pmr result day.
My mom asked me whether i'm excited.Let me tell you: NOT AT ALL.

These things doesn't seem to make me excited like they used to.
This sucks.I used to love christmas.A lot.
I'll be jumping around just cause my birthday is coming.But i'm not.
I'll be freaking out now if I knew my results are coming out.And I'm not.
Damn.
This just don't feel the same.

I asked God : why?
He replied : Ask yourself.

Oh well.I know the answer.God knows too.

I gave up going to that asrama school.
But now..there's nothing more here left for me.Except my friends.
Friends can wait.I'll get back to them someday.
Adrian, let's switch.I want to go KL!
But it's too late for that decision.damn.

Coke does make people cough like hell.Iced lemon tea does too.
I can't eat pineapple.Or I'll cough to death.

I'll probably burn off that piece of nice card you gave me.
But...I won't.It was something sweet you did.
And another thing.I'll think I'm going to skip my birthday after this year.
Being 15 years old it's kinda going to be the worst of my life.
I'm so going to not love my birthday anymore.

While i'm wide awake, he's no trouble sleeping.

*When a heart breaks; it doesn't break even.*

i crash.
i burn.
i cry.

2008-12-19T00:14:00.004+08:00

It's 12.15 am.It's friday already.
Can I not go to the party tonight?
I'm really not in the mood.ish.

You have no idea how hurtful that was.I didn't know i was so not strong enogh.
I was trying to find a OFF button on my eyes to stop the tears.
No manual.No OFF button.Didn't know what to do.
Guess how many times i poked my eyes to find that OFF button?
I didn't find it tough.Anyway..it got worse.It won't stop!
And my eyes went red instead.of course, not by the poking.
Damn it.Tell me where is that OFF button.Please?
I didn't realize that i was such a cry baby.ish.found out recently.

Hurtful words hurt people.
They make people feel sad and dissapointed.
When you break a heart...It doesn't break even.

Since I've been deleted from your life, You should stay in mine.
For how long?I don't know.We'll see.

And since poking my eyes doesn't stop the tears...Maybe doing these things will help a little.

1.I'm not eating cincau anymore.
2.I'm going to hate soya bean.
3.No more ice blended for me.
4.I'll stop eating prawns.
5.I won't eat kuey teow.
6.I'll learn to hate my bed.
7.I'm going to sleep early.
8.i'm not baking chocolate cakes anymore.
9.Lucky the astaka is going to change a view.
10.I shall hate friday's.

I think it's enough.Do you?

I'm so done with crying.If you don't care anymore, cry what?
I'm glad you got over it.Cause I'm so not done over it.
I'm stupid crying over you?
I know.

I think I'll go take a cold bath.A big bottle of coke with ice.And some pineapples.

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're Okay?

*Cause when a heart breaks; it don't break even*

Anyway.New song.Listen bah.

i crash.
i burn.
i cry.

2008-12-17T18:06:00.003+08:00

WAHAHA.
I look extremely weird today...My eyes are swollen and my double eyelids are gone.
LOLS.Super weird.I can't stop laughing myself when i looked into the mirror...
Even my sis is laughing about it.
Okay...nvr mind..it's ok now...back to normal edy...hahas.

Owh..owh...another happy stuff.
PMR results day it's not going to be on my b'day~~
How nice!No fear of it liao.woots...finish partying liao only think about result.
HAHA.Well then...PMR students...I'll shall see you after my b'day~ 29th of Dec.
But don't forget about my b'day and my present kays?=)
Just kiddin larh.hahas.

At least remember the date?=)

Erm..today i learnt something... when referring your own mom infront of other ppl...you should refer her as HAHA. lols.

It's so not correct to eat pineapple and drink coke when your having a cough.
It makes you cough like mad.
Don't try it kays.
But if you do try it, please tell me..i want to see you suffer and laugh at you.
I will not be responsible for your cough.
By the way, i told you not to try hor!XD

Haih..by the way...i had this hair cut that i kinda regretted it.
Very what lorh...my hair became shitty after that haircut.seesh.
Soo want to cut it off man.But no courage.ish.

Argh.Anyways...next time..if i have questions for you...please give me an answer?
Please eh?It's like i can get suibian, cincai, wadevr and anything every single time.
erm...it's very irritating...and ugh.

Okay..well...im bored.And i've finished blogging.So i think...
ByeBye~

10 days more to my bday.13 more days to the last day of 2008.

*It's okay to be alone.*

i crash.
i burn.
i cry.

2008-12-16T12:42:00.002+08:00

Nah Nah weiqing.I'm updating mii blog .hahas.

Went to cs with jiamin,weibin,woon ann and eric yesterday.
Yay yay~ Twilight twilight~
Wahaha.Edward Cullen so handsome.hahas.
But the vampire make up...ish...so pale..but then they still have red red de.weird.
But overall..nice movie la~
Twilight vampires actually becomes shiny diamonds when under the sunlight.
How awesome is that.lols.

Kays...anyway...It was HauKit's b'day yesterday.
Bought him a bag larh..His school bag is like already rotten...Using since primary.i think.
Erm..Happy b'day Haukit~

end of yesterday's story.

******************************************************************

Today...
I have nth to do.
WeiBin says he's off to bambino to eat lunch...i can't go.
Anyway.Don't feel like eating larh.Totally lost my appetite today.
Oh well.Haih.
All I can do today is to blast my ears off again.HAHA.

Anyone.If you have time, you can call me,text me, or come my house.i don't mind.
I'm bored to hell.

*You seem like a nice guy.Let's be friends.*

2008-12-14T22:56:00.002+08:00

argh.i felt so terrible n vegetable today.
slept late.waked early.ish

today rained seh.
drank so much cold water.
made me cough like siao.

I had this dream of a nuclear bomb booming off the whole world's bad guys that bully girls.
Woohoo.Quite a nice dream.All is left is handsome and good guys..woots.
It was only a dream.Dream nia.How i wish it was true.
Anyway..guys out there..would you be the one who gets bombed into pieces or the leftovers?lols.
Think of what you did in your life bah.hehe

anyway.that retard still ignoring me.

oh well.im a retard also. yah?

i crash.
i burn.
i cry.

2008-12-13T13:03:00.002+08:00

Wahaha.

Is slept 2 something last night.

Feeling so damn terrible today...

Oh well.Last night will be the one last time i cry for this.

I think i've run out of tears...

Even the ice cream in my fridge are gone...sobs..

I want ice creams...at least it makes me feel better.
It wasn't supposed to be like this kay...

must sleep earlier tonight...or not i think i'll be dead by tomorrow...zz

I still didn't get to watch twilight.ish.

Ah well...forget it larh...no mood also liao.

i lost myself today.just im not on a deserted island.

I'll get over it.Woots.

Just keep myself busy today ah...and tomorrow.and next week.and next month.

Bye~

I crash.

I burn.

I cry.